10 Signs you are dating a T-Rex

  1. He looks like a T-Rex (I know this should be obvious, but you have no idea how many of my girlfriends are like “He’s not a T-rex, he just had a bad childhood.”)
  2. His arms are like baby arms with claws at the end. He also suffers from poor dexterity and spinning them wildly like two pinwheels in hurricane.
  3. He doesn’t open doors for you. You know, I’m not saying this critically, I mean, he’s genetically predisposed to flapping his arms like a semi-truck’s mud shield in a rain storm. And what’s the big deal with opening doors anyway? Focus all your attention on doors and you miss the fact that he’s eating your uncle in the next room.
  4. He’s eating your uncle in the next room, in fact it seems like every new family member you introduce him to he’s tearing to shreds.
  5. He doesn’t show interest in you the way you would like him to. You constantly feel down about yourself because as he is pilfering through bones it feels as though your insides are being ripped apart from the lack of attention to your emotional needs.
  6. You don’t feel like you can communicate your needs without him getting aggressive and angry.
  7. He has small arm syndrome. Because his arms are as small as his brain he feels the need to be the loudest and most dominant one in the room.
  8. Every time he roars he expects you just to pick up and respond to him.
  9. He thinks he’s the only one that exists and when it comes down to it he’s only looking out for number one.

10. He crushes almost anything in his path.

If 8 out of 10 of these are true than sorry to break it to you, you are dating a prehistoric, undeveloped and immature dinosaur and if you get pregnant the labor is gonna seriously HURT. I wish I could tell you how to get out of the relationship, but because you think dinosaurs are so fucking rare you’re going to make every excuse in the book to try to tame this creature so you can keep it and make it civilized. Good luck with that.

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