12 Steps To Finding True Love

You’ll be addicted

Three months ago I joined a twelve step group online because I have some issues with some, we wont say the specifics, substances. Yes, I wandered in by way of clicks and before I knew it I was watching people share on a screen front and center, but chatting with one of the moderators who asked if I needed help. I clicked on his profile only to find a dashing Canadian with the body of Thor. Yes, I did need help. Soon we were chatting daily, sometimes he was a shoulder to lean on, other times we referenced people sharing and made tiny inside jokes. These nudges led to phone exchanges and soon enough I was in a full fledged online romance.

I’m here to share some of the tactics I used to land this hottie:

JOIN A 12 STEP GROUP: Surely in this day in age there is something you are addicted to. Maybe it’s drinking, maybe it’s gaming, maybe it’s relationships. Whichever of these it may be, one thing is for sure, joining a group of people with that same addiction is sure to up your chances of getting addicted to eachother.

TRANSFERRENCE: I took all that juju that I was holding in and storing that I usually busted out with a drink or twelve and used it to pop his personality open like a glass bottle of Miller High Life. Who needs a drink when there’s a hot Canadian just a button away? You can try this too. Take whatever obsession you are secretly harboring and just shift it ever so slightly onto a person of your choosing.

DENIAL: I could hear people in the room sharing about how sobriety was number one and nothing should come before it so you can imagine the kind of denial I needed to muster to keep this flame going. But I was willing to do it, all in the name of love. Make sure you stand up for yourself and let love conquer all, when those people tell you to put your recovery first…tell them love has cured you!

MANIPULATION: It’s really nice when you are going out with someone in the rooms because then you actually have a reason to share authentic and profound wisdom to pseudo help strangers. Then the object of your affection gets to see you performing these duties thus falling even more deeply in love with you.

EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY: Telling him that I loved him on the first phone call probably wasn’t smart, but Oh well! I’m sure everything will work out cause if it doesn’t I’m going to fucking kill myself. (I hope that you can be better at this part and by better I mean lay it all on the line immediately.)

There’s a little saying in the step meetings, it’s called thirteen steppin’. That is when you go after dating someone from a support group. So, my little 13 steppers, good luck with your addictions! And I hope you get some help with whatever you are struggling with as well!

Drinking Johnny Bootlegger on a Champagne budget. Editor @ www.DIYrrhea.com and www.realfakepersonals.com

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