If [[reptilians]] really do exist like stoners and internet conspiracy sleuths have purported than I’m definitely one. Kinda bummed! According to these conspiracies the reptilians are shape-shifting, flesh-eating humanoids whose purpose is to enslave the human race. TheRichest.com reports that twelve millions American’s actually believe this to be true. Also, according to that same site there is a hierarchy of the species that have taken reign over our planet. The two kinds that exist are full bloods or cross breeds:

“Full bloods know that they are reptilians and can change between their reptilian-like form and human form at will. Although…

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  1. The lady at the liquor store says “Get out of here, I’m calling the cops.”
  2. You’re sitting on a curb behind the car wash, see the cops coming around the corner and think, “Fuckin’ liquor store bitch.”
  3. You’re in a squad car uncontrollably crying about being molested as a kid.
  4. The guy next to you at the bar says, “You already told me that story three times tonight” and you respond “Have we met?”
  5. You are being carried to an unidentified room by two hairy full grown men and you’re smiling because you think it’s actually an alien encounter.
  6. You…

Slackjaw, why doest thou hate me?

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Dear Comedy School Fulfillment Center

Why Am I Not Funny Yet?

Dear Comedy School Fulfillment Center,

I thought your school was supposed to put me into the fast lane to funny. Honestly, by now I assumed I’d be showing up places causing people to yell things like “Oh good, the funny one is here, we can finally relax!” I understand that’s not a normal reaction, but the important thing here is to recognize that I’m not funnier yet and see if you can fix that. …

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My name is Dana Lovering, I’m the owner of a website “Armaget-it-on.com” that I’ve been running from the pool area of my condo complex for the last year and a half. Today, I have the priveledge of doing an all-inclusive interview with Carrie Logan, a retired YMCA activities coordinator that I had the fortune of running into when I picked up a pallet of Bouillion at the Food4Less down the street. Please find the interview in my blog below!

Me: Thanks so much for doing this-

Carrie: Oh, well, I’ve read your blog and you’re a bit of a numbers…

Whether you’re freaking out at a bus stop or just simply riding your bike coupled to a baby carrier filled with garbage bags, these fashion trends will be sure to make you feel like everybody is watching you.

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Garbage can fires — Perfect for under an overpass or down a dark alley, a garbage can fire can help cast a warm glow onto your already lit expression. Great for a night with “friends” or huddling alone with perceived spirits these receptacles will be a focal point this winter.

Fingerless Gloves — Nothing says hot-cold like a moody crackhead freaking out at a 7–11 and then asking politely for a free cup of coffee. That’s why the fingerless gloves are a perfect accessory. They keep you warm while also letting in the cool air. …

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I should have seen it coming, all the red flags were there…my landlord was a massive micromanager! I hope by telling my story, I can help other would be tenants avoid falling prey to helicopter landlords so they don’t have to experience the discomfort that I had to go through. These are some of the red flags I missed and you should look for them too!

An urn in the entryway. That should have been a clue when I checked the place out that my landlord was going to micromanage the place. Urns are like the Alexa of the 18th…

Thanks to the help of a little stimulus money and some neighborhood slackers

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Before the crisis I was selling merchant services over the phone. When I lost my job due to COVID I was actually able to dedicate myself full time to my dream of being perma stoned, buying seeds and growing mad amounts of sweet kush. I found a few select people from my neighborhood that had been laid off who had this same idea.

There’s Jay (he got that name cause he smokes so much weed), he’s a valet driver that doubles as a KJ. If I get…

Or Not Another Coronavirus Medium Article

Earlier this week I called my pharmacy to refill a prescription for the estrogen patch I am on and they were out. I didn’t think much of that until I called several (5) pharmacies and they too had run dry of this particular product (Estrodial which also contains progesterone). This led me to a Google deep dive to find the connection with Coronavirus and female hormones because at this point I started to assume it had something to do with the pandemic. It does!

On April 27, 2020 the New York Times published an…

You’ll be addicted

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Three months ago I joined a twelve step group online because I have some issues with some, we won’t say the specifics, substances. Yes, I wandered in by way of clicks and before I knew it I was watching people share on a screen front and center, but chatting with one of the moderators who asked if I needed help. I clicked on his profile only to find a dashing Canadian with the body of Thor. Yes, I did need help. Soon we were chatting daily, sometimes he was a shoulder to lean on, other times we…

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I read part of Walden and watched Fight Club five times and I believe it is my civic duty to forge the last three stamps on my frequent sipper card so I can get the free coffee I deserve. If this was the first time I had commited such an offense, it wouldn’t show my dedication to corporate defiance and might be questionable, but seeing as how I left a trail of such acts, I think you can safely say I’m a bit of a new age vigilante.

There’s was that one time I was working on the Totino’s pizza…

Malia Gillette

Drinking Johnny Bootlegger on a Champagne budget. Editor @ www.DIYrrhea.com and www.realfakepersonals.com

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