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Malia Gillette
Malia Gillette

376 Followers

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I’m a reptilian humanoid…You?

If [[reptilians]] really do exist like stoners and internet conspiracy sleuths have purported than I’m definitely one. Kinda bummed! According to these conspiracies the reptilians are shape-shifting, flesh-eating humanoids whose purpose is to enslave the human race. TheRichest.com reports that twelve millions American’s actually believe this to be true. Also…

Conspiracy Theories

3 min read

Conspiracy Theories

3 min read


Published in

MAYA POETRY

·Apr 23

Snakes

Seven’s are the fun ones she says. We enter the elevator…going down. The girl is carefree, it’s a first date…I get it. She hasn’t been snake charmed only to have an incision right down the middle, an easy slide cut. Speaking to a seven from a one’s perspective, because now…

Poetry

2 min read

Poetry

2 min read


Mar 18

This is Elon Musk broadcasting to you from the internal threads of your unconscious mind

Testing, testing. Hello, good morning, and sorry if I alarmed you. This is Elon Musk, you might know me as the co-creator of Paypal, CEO of Tesla, founder of SpaceX and now the voice of Neuralink airing to you directly through your cerebral cortex. While you were sleeping, I nestled…

Elon

3 min read

This is Elon Musk broadcasting to you from the internal threads of your unconscious mind
This is Elon Musk broadcasting to you from the internal threads of your unconscious mind
Elon

3 min read


Dec 12, 2022

The White Lotus Season 2 Wrap Up

FTHOI Season 1 of The White Lotus left me in a dark place. It was a tale of classist exploitation with little redemption for the “privileged” and proved to be a parable of why it’s more difficult for a rich man to enter heavens gate than for a camel to…

The White Lotus

5 min read

The White Lotus

5 min read


Jun 6, 2021

TOP TEN REASONS YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRUNK

You’re Drunk. The lady at the liquor store says “Get out of here, I’m calling the cops.” You’re sitting on a curb behind the car wash, see the cops coming around the corner and think, “Fuckin’ liquor store bitch.” You’re in a squad car uncontrollably crying about being molested as…

Drunk

1 min read

TOP TEN REASONS YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRUNK
TOP TEN REASONS YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRUNK
Drunk

1 min read


May 14, 2021

My FAILED Slackjaw Challenge Entry

Slackjaw, why doest thou hate me? Dear Comedy School Fulfillment Center Why Am I Not Funny Yet? Dear Comedy School Fulfillment Center, I thought your school was supposed to put me into the fast lane to funny. Honestly, by now I assumed I’d be showing up places causing people to…

Slackjaw Challenge

3 min read

My FAILED Slackjaw Challenge Entry
My FAILED Slackjaw Challenge Entry
Slackjaw Challenge

3 min read


Mar 18, 2021

Tips From A Survival Expert: “Right now is a really great time to teach your children how to make bathtub booze”

My name is Dana Lovering, I’m the owner of a website “Armaget-it-on.com” that I’ve been running from the pool area of my condo complex for the last year and a half. Today, I have the priveledge of doing an all-inclusive interview with Carrie Logan, a retired YMCA activities coordinator that…

Booze

4 min read

Tips From A Survival Expert: “Right now is a really great time to teach your children how to make…
Tips From A Survival Expert: “Right now is a really great time to teach your children how to make…
Booze

4 min read


Dec 29, 2020

Meth Winter Fashion Trends 2021

Whether you’re freaking out at a bus stop or just simply riding your bike coupled to a baby carrier filled with garbage bags, these fashion trends will be sure to make you feel like everybody is watching you. — Garbage can fires — Perfect for under an overpass or down a dark alley, a garbage can fire can help cast a warm glow onto your already lit expression. Great for a night with “friends” or huddling alone with perceived spirits these receptacles will be a focal point this winter.

Winter Fashion

2 min read

Meth Winter Fashion Trends 2021
Meth Winter Fashion Trends 2021
Winter Fashion

2 min read


Jul 8, 2020

SIGNS THAT MY LANDLORD WAS GOING TO BE A MICROMANAGER

I should have seen it coming, all the red flags were there…my landlord was a massive micromanager! I hope by telling my story, I can help other would be tenants avoid falling prey to helicopter landlords so they don’t have to experience the discomfort that I had to go through…

Humorous

3 min read

SIGNS THAT MY LANDLORD WAS GOING TO BE A MICROMANAGER
SIGNS THAT MY LANDLORD WAS GOING TO BE A MICROMANAGER
Humorous

3 min read


Jun 20, 2020

I Can Finally Say That My Home Is Drugs Free

Thanks to the help of a little stimulus money and some neighborhood slackers Before the crisis I was selling merchant services over the phone. When I lost my job due to COVID I was actually able to dedicate myself full time to my dream of being perma stoned, buying seeds…

Weed

3 min read

I Can Finally Say That My Home Is Drugs Free
I Can Finally Say That My Home Is Drugs Free
Weed

3 min read

Malia Gillette

Malia Gillette

376 Followers

Drinking Johnny Bootlegger on a Champagne budget. Editor @ www.DIYrrhea.com and www.realfakepersonals.com

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