America’s Got Talent and by Talent I Mean Problems

You know how Louie Armstrong looked like he was in pain every time he sang cause he was overbooked, tired and basically being forced to perform like a marionette at gunpoint? I feel like this is how Howie looks every time there’s a magician that pulls a card (with his handwritten signature) out of someone in the audiences sandwich. He’s like “Woooooooooooooooooouch.” It physically hurts him to look surprised. I feel like AGT has been running long enough that they’ve had to resort to second tier acts and people who didn’t make the cut the first hundred shows. I feel like this is reality TV slave labor what these judges are being subjected to. Mel B has, instead of coming up with new responses, just settled on her go-to, “That’s Uh-mazing!” leaving me to my go-to “What’s happening on Bravo?”

And if the real acts this year were half-assed, the half-assed acts were truly no better than watching my dog stare at the neighbors dog out the window. This brings me to the point that the show this year seems overrun by dogs. Tyra Banks, for instance. No, that’s not nice…I didn’t mean that. So you have mainly dogs and people who aren’t even American. I don’t think dogs have a nationality, although I’ve met some highly jingoistic pups (Scottish Terriors, English Bulldogs and the like), I don’t think you can really slap political ideologies on unreasonable pets. That’s just me. So America’s Got Talent has neither talent nor American’s! More aptly, I think it’s safe to say, especially in the political climate we’re living in (no credit to dogs) that America’s Got Problems. See that stage fill up real fast. Oh, wait, we already have that program, it’s called the Howard Stern show.


Drinking Johnny Bootlegger on a Champagne budget. Editor @ and

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store