Bach’lette

Come on Peter! Your lame excuse to Rachel is that you don’t want to be married multiple times in your life? You want more time to develop an organic relationship than the producers are allotting you? Ain’t nobody got time fo that!

Uh, oh, time to take a girls night boo!

I want to pretend that girl din’t just cry like Sizzler went bankrupt when she was with Peter and then fall into Brian’s arms. My friend thought the end seemed too produced and weird. I think it wasn’t produced enough. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by the instant spin off’s the Bravo network dishes out like the plentiful plates at a Sizzler salad bar, but I would have enjoyed a little bit more of a nail biter. Please don’t think about nail biting next time you go to Sizzler and think there’s loose nails somewhere in the ice that keeps all the toppings busy. I already wish I could retract that statement.

I would have enjoyed if Rachel went directly to calling up Brian and sayin, “Listen boo, you know Friday is Girls Night!” It shows Brian in the bachelor house staring at the last rose he received and he hangs up the phone, looks over at the staff and nods his head “Girls night”. All the staff roll their eyes and you hear a few head scratchers like, “Oh, and the boys don’t get a night?” and “Better start lookin’ for a new, new person to marry”. Then Wanda Sykes squeals into the parking lot where Rachel is at in a party bus with some line like, “I got the smallest one they had”. The girls launch into a full fledge stripper party, the two girls from broad city are there, queen Latifa, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey. The whole show is making the viewer feel like their living room is “The Escape Room” and believe me they’ve got all the clues they need to get out. Rachel is drinking a champagne flute one of the strippers is supporting in his ass crack when Brian calls again, “It’s not getting too out of control I hope” and she looks over at a man in a bear costume body painting Tina Fey while Genuwine “Pony” plays overhead. “No, honey we’re just grabbin some snacks at the Pavillions so we can go home and watch 27 dresses.” “Oh, good then, thought you’d at least go out to da club.” She bites her lip, “No club boo, just Gold bears in G-strings, I mean, Bugels and Cheese puffs baby.” OMG, how has that premise sustained itself since the nineties?! A.N.G.T.F.T.!

Back to what did happen on the Bachelor…I thought she said something profound actually. I mean Rachel’s a lawyer, but I was still surprised by the other ways she displayed intelligence. When she told Brian she’d chosen him and had difficulty doing it, she said that was because of her past relationship patterns and those connections in her brain that had been developed. Trying to change relationship patterns is hard and it’s not a process of randomization. We are hardwired by our experiences to be drawn to repeat them. It’s a chemical thing so when someone who has bad experiences with men goes off chemistry alone they should be forewarned those chemicals are from familiar patterns. Well, Rachel decided against having the chemical rush. She vocalized well, I thought, what many of us who want different results from relationships should be looking for, acceptance of love. A lot of us think if it comes easy it has no value. We’ll see how they turn out I guess. I still like what she had to say.