Christmas Titles That Did Not Make The List This Year

Warning: Explicit Lyrics

Malia Gillette
1 min readDec 17, 2018


Songs For The Whole Casual Encounters Section Of Craigslist

“It’s Beginning To Look A lot Like Gilead”

“I’m Dreaming To Wipe Christmas (In lieu of a non-denominational celebration where nobody looks each other in the eyes)”

“Lightly Tapping Our Feet and Nodding Our Heads Around The Christmas Tree.”

“I’ll Be On The Couch In The Garage For Christmas.”

“Grandma Got Run Over By The Amazon Guy.”

“Little Drummer Gender Unspecified Child.”

“Straining to Come Up With Shit To Talk About Around The Christmas Tree.”

“I Saw Mommy ****ing Santa Clause And A Few Other Guys At The Same Time.”

“I’ll Be Happy With Whatever You Get Me (Most Everything Is Returnable Including Gift Cards)”

“Brisk Walking Around The Christmas Tree”

“You’re a mean one. Period.”

Photo by Toni Cuenca on Unsplash



Malia Gillette

Drinking Johnny Bootlegger on a Champagne budget. Editor @ and