I’m a reptilian humanoid…You?

Malia Gillette
3 min readAug 31, 2017

If [[reptilians]] really do exist like stoners and internet conspiracy sleuths have purported than I’m definitely one. Kinda bummed! According to these conspiracies the reptilians are shape-shifting, flesh-eating humanoids whose purpose is to enslave the human race. TheRichest.com reports that twelve millions American’s actually believe this to be true. Also, according to that same site there is a hierarchy of the species that have taken reign over our planet. The two kinds that exist are full bloods or cross breeds:

“Full bloods know that they are reptilians and can change between their reptilian-like form and human form at will. Although they don’t actually change their form themselves — their human form is the result of vibrations that change the human mind. So you might think you see a human being, but in actual fact the human being is a reptilian. It’s just your mind playing tricks on you.

Cross breeds on the other hand are not aware that they are reptilians. They believe that they are humans. Cross breeds are controlled by full breeds: they are unknowingly forced to push forward the secret agenda known as the New World Order.”

Okay, so that’s all interesting. However, I’ve discovered some traits about myself that would put me directly in the crossfire of the cross breeds. Don’t hunt me down, here are the reasons I might be a lizard person (at least on Holidays):

a) My Chinese Symbol is the snake. My native American sign is also the snake. Seriously, I’m scared. I have reptilian written all over me.

b) My rh factor is negative. Only a very small percentage of people (11%) have a negative rh factor. What this means is this blood did not come from the Rhesus monkey. The speculation is that it came from another species (perhaps alien) and the typical traits of people (or lizard people whatever you please) are lower than average body temps, blue eyes (or almost white) and lower blood pressure.

c) Straight up my ex used to call me a lizard. One of the main reasons being that I never need water. I am like naturally dehydrated or something. I NEVER DRINK WATER.

d) I took a test at https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/10/how-spot-reptilians-runing-us-government/354496/ at the bottom and it told me I am.

Okay, so I’m sorry, not trying to be a lizard or anything, but I think I might be one if they do truly exist. Luckily, there’s this guy online named Wayne Brewer that can remove the lizard for 179.99. Yeah, not paying that. No crossbreed would ever pay that because if I’ve subscribed to ruining the human race than the lizard in me is going to tell me not to, however, the human in me (lacking common sense) says if this is true than maybe I should (as crazy as it sounds) pay the two hundred bucks and so I’m at least sure. What if Wayne Brewer is a lizard though and his whole service is preying on people so he can put the lizard in. Ugh, so confusing.

I’m hungry, gonna go catch some flies from the rock in my backyard.

IF YOU LIKE THIS STORY, CHECK OUT HOW TO BUILD YOUR BASIC REPTILIAN REMOVAL WEBSITE https://medium.com/pickle-fork/building-your-basic-lizard-removal-website-1d5fb96feb43

Malia Gillette

Drinking Johnny Bootlegger on a Champagne budget. Editor @ www.DIYrrhea.com and www.realfakepersonals.com