I’ve heard this question enough and I think it’s time to really dig deep and get to the bottom of it. Scratch that, normal doesn’t go deep, the deeper you go the further you get from ground zero so let’s not think too deep, let’s think flat. It’s time we end the social reaction to the fifties and stop thinking so subjectively. Let’s get back to an objective definition of what’s normal. Normal people would agree.

I’m not a good example of normal.

For example, a few years ago I was living in an RV and was hit by a drunk driver on the side of the road who completely obliterated it. I hitchhiked into town per my first reaction (granted I had a head injury) and was held up at gun point by the person who gave me a ride, but I playfully convinced him to go to the bar and have a drink with me so I could relax a little and hence meet his sexual demands. At the bar I quickly informed a dude there I needed help. He was on meth and gave me a hundred dollars cause he had just won at one of the machines. Then we discovered we were both born November 6, 1977. Two hours apart. He was also a handyman at a local inn so he let me stay in one of the rooms that was out of commission and drink four locos all day while watching “the outer limits”. When I got back to town I checked myself into a psych ward cause it was cheaper than a hotel. I called my real estate friend who got me an immediate job. Okay, so I think I’ve made my point.

Anyway, as someone who exists in the fringe or “the outer limits” if you will, I’m looking inside the snow globe and think I can identify accurately what normal is. It is a boy in ice skates, a girl running in the snow with a dog, a snowy Christmas scene with people snuggled up in coats and laughing.

Can we get back to that? Is that impossible? I’m thinking Chevy Chase “Animal Farm” when the town puts on the showcase so they can sell the house. Can we just “cue the dear” for awhile even if it’s only a front? I’d like someone to define normal so I can start knowing what I’m trying to do. I find when I open my mouth more and more often I think I’m being relatable and people are looking at me like I’m speaking Klingon for robots.

Please let’s make a normal that we can all agree on.

Drinking Johnny Bootlegger on a Champagne budget. Editor @ www.DIYrrhea.com and www.realfakepersonals.com

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